top of page

Open Heart Surgery. (Entry #1)

Well here goes nothin.

I'm going to be very honest and tell you that I have been hiding lately. Yes I know, that's not really anything new. I've talked about hiding before...but it's getting worse. Now I'm not only hiding...I'm disconnecting. Disconnecting from everyone and everything. I'm told pain will do that. At some point the baggage just gets too heavy. Whether it's pain, grief, betrayal, loss, heartbreak, name it, it all becomes TOO MUCH.

I had a rough session with B. last week.

B. is my therapist.... my life boat.... my inner voice on the days I can't hear God... and to be transparent, that's most days lately.

B. tells me it's time for open heart surgery. She says I've been pushing through for far too long and I need to face it. "IT" meaning all the trauma, my back story, the pain that keeps me from finishing my book, or my album... I get asked all the time.. "When is the album going to release? When is the book gonna be done?" I have no answers... because I'm frozen and scared out of mind to finish either one.