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Dear Daughter

I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could take away your pain... your anxiety... your fears... and your insecurities. I would take them and smash them... I would destroy any sign they ever existed... they have no room here... not in our home. Yet they slithered in like a snake... and when I wasn't looking...they took over your mind and your heart.

I want my daughter back... the girl who loves life and loves herself...the girl with the backbone that doesn't take crap from anyone...the passionate one... the dreamer... the little girl intent on becoming whole again.

Your words from our conversation yesterday haunt me....

"I don't like myself..."

"I don't know who I am..."

"Im tired of our family platform..."

"I'm so afraid of making a mistake in front of everyone..."

"I feel lost..."

"I'm not pretty enough..."

All of it...daggers to the heart.

When I look at you I see a scared little girl who is expected to rise to perfection... a young girl with a story that everyone is watching unfold. You want to be the successful one... not the statistic... yet you are a young girl who fears rejection and abandonment...and is already dodging bullets of scrutiny at 15 years old.

I see a girl blasted by social media content every single day ... telling her lies... and you my darling....have taken the bait... You believe in order to be beautiful your stretch marks need to disappear and your waist should be smaller... Your legs should be more toned and your makeup needs to be just so....You believe in order to be relevant your own content needs to fit in with the rest of the crowd. So you battle keeping up with the world and holding on to who you are... but your grip is are losing yourself... getting lost in the noise....

As we talked through your decisions and your mistakes.... your feelings and your pain... I watched you shift from feeling the need to explain yourself... to finding solace in admitting your confusion and insecurities... Your tears and your shaking hands... twisting back and forth in your lap tell me you hate it. You hate all of it. It isn't who you want to be... it's not where you wanna spend your time. You actually hate scrolling Instagram.. it breaks you down... but you are addicted and you cannot stop... it's like a drug. So you keep looking... and with every photograph you absorb you lose a sense of pride in who you are and slowly fall into the trap of feeling like you are not good enough...

I can tell you none of it's true... that you are perfect just the way you are... the the world is lying to you... and you must not believe it... I can remind you that you are a daughter of the king... that you are created perfect and that there is NO ONE like you... but I know it's all cliche on days like this.

So instead of telling you everything you already know... I listen....

Slowly... as I knew you would... you talk your way through it... you slowly came out of the dark and you handed me your cell phone saying...

"I need space from it. Mommy please help me. Take it away from me..."

Wow. What a strong girl you are to recognize for yourself that it's okay to walk away. What a strong girl you are to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

You realized it was time to straighten your crown.

You spent the rest of the day talking about your future and your plans... your fashion line... and the fabrics you want to choose... you took out your sketch book and began to create again... humming along to the rhythm of every chose to step away from the scale and the treadmill. Good for you my beautiful daughter... Good for you.

And then I felt the cry in my throat. I knew if I stared at you too long I would breakdown... YOU my beautiful daughter are a vision. A story unfolding... and even the broken days will not be lost on you... you will share your stories and tell your truths and the world will love you for your honesty. They will appreciate every imperfection and celebrate with you as you find your way through these teenage years.

I'm sorry this platform feels like chains on your feet... I am sorry you've carried so many burdens around your neck for so long... I'm sorry you feel judgement around each corner... but know this my beautiful beautiful daughter... there is more love than judgement in your life... more arms to hold you than will ever shun you... and more friends than enemies... they will be your keeper... they will carry you through the hard stuff... they will be there to remind you... when you have forgotten all the truth you carry inside...

TRUST me my beautiful beautiful daughter....

I've been there.

Now it's time to take back your life...

READY... SET.... GO.

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