I guess before I get to my first meeting with B. I need to take a step back. (btw.... B. is my therapist and one of God's greatest gifts to me.... just so ya'll know exactly who I am talking about when I say B.)
The need for "Open Heart Surgery"... started in December 2015. I was on a much needed break....alone...at the beach... working on my book... (yes the one that STILL is not finished.)
I had packed an entire bag of clothes, filled my fridge with food to last the week, and was set for success. 3 days into my lone retreat... I hadn't opened the suitcase, I still hadn't changed, or showered. The fridge was as full as when I arrived. I'm not sure where the time went. All I know is something happened between me and the computer screen that was crippling.
I have a certain playlist I use when I'm writing... for some reason one song continued to play on loop...."Burning House". That was my first problem. Not the greatest backdrop for climbing out of a dark space... but it was honest. That was most important. It went something like this...
"I had a dream about a burning house You were stuck inside I couldn't get you out I lay beside you and pulled you close And the two of us went up in smoke"