We spend more time building walls than we ever do tearing them down. It's true. We say we believe in community... in honest relationships... in vulnerable space where we embrace our whole selves... our broken selves... and the hearts of those around us.... but the truth....
The truth is....
We are all busy building our own "Jericho".
It's hard being honest about our failures and our secret closets. It's hard being honest about our guilt and our mistakes. It's hard sharing dreams we know will be shot down... it's hard sharing a goal... I mean... what if we fail? It's hard putting ourselves out there and risking rejection- It's hard opening the door after a betrayal...It's hard trusting people with the intricacies of our lives... so we build walls... we build our Jericho - with bricks made of fear and mortar mixed with good old fashioned condemnation.
In theory... the tearing down of walls should come easier. Grab a hammer and start swinging right? But it's what could be exposed that keeps us building our walls higher and higher and higher... brick by brick we slowly isolate ourselves and lose sight of the outside world altogether.
In your heart you know you wanna tear down that wall....created by your broken heart...and replace it with a river of forgiveness... but you can't cuz you no longer know how to trust people... so you add another brick instead- you feel safer that way.
You wanna tear down the wall built by shame and own your story for once... you wanna replace the hiding with openness... but you can't... because everyone is watching and the judgement is just too much to carry... so instead you add another brick.
You wanna tear down the wall built with failure after failure... you wanna tear it down so you can actually try again... but the trying... it's too scary... one more failure could take you out of the game for good... so you add another brick instead.
Do you get the picture? We spend our entire life building walls... wearing ourselves thin and losing the strength required to tear them down...
I don't know about you... but I'm tired of living behind walls... I'm tired of building my own Jericho...
I'd love to believe it's as easy as circling my city 7 times and the walls will just magically come down... that my simple faith is enough...but I am going to step out on a limb here and be brutally honest...
It's. Not. That. Simple.
Learning to let your guard down, erasing dark memories... freaking hard.
Forgiving is one thing.... but forgetting is a whole different animal.
Erasing shame with self acceptance is almost impossible when your world continues to tell you you're not "good enough".
So I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to just pray and your walls will fall down... because when they don't... your faith will waver and you will wonder why the God you've been told about isn't listening. You'll wonder if he's given up on you too... and once again the vicious cycle continues.
Instead I am gonna tell you to make a list... of walls you've created in your life... get brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you built the wall and what makes it impossible to tear down... Ask yourself what you're missing living inside your Jericho... What would the tearing down of walls free you from?
That FREEDOM... That is what you fight for.
You built your Jericho brick by brick... and brick by brick you can destroy it... but it will take time... and patience... a whole lot of self love... and grace for all the people trying to scale your walls... They will try to come inside your city and tell you how to tear them down... but this is YOUR Jericho... and only YOU... know what the full scope demolition looks like.
I do know... the demolition of your Jericho will bury you for a season... you'll wish you had never done it... it will feel like death...
But Lovelies know this...
YOU WILL RESURRECT.