Do you remember?
Do you remember what it was like when we were younger? When time moved slow and all we ever did was pray it would speed up so we could experience what was coming next?
I can remember counting down to my 16th birthday... then my 18th. I was counting down the days till graduation and then counting down the days to my wedding. I was always living for the next big milestone.
Remember when it felt like we had all the time in the world? All we had to do was talk about what was coming next... our world revolved around these key words...
"Someday I'm going to......"
"One day I'm gonna...."
"I can't wait till....."
All we had to talk about was where we were going next.... and now.... now all we talk about is where we've been.
Our conversations include words like...
"Remember when we used to...."
"Wish I would have known better then..."
"If I could only go back to...."
"I should have done that differently..."
I miss the days when we were YOUNGER. I miss the idea of the open road and a future that belonged to us. I miss the naive child who didn't yet understand regret and only understood HOPE and moving forward.
I'm tired of the "Remember When" conversations.... that cause us to sigh heavily and end saying "another lesson learned." I'm tired of living in the before... I wanna find a way to live in the "what's coming next" realm again.
Who said adults can't dream? Who said we are stuck? Who says we can't find our way back to brave living? I mean... we are not in the grave yet... we tell our children to dream... we teach them to imagine a world that is different... we tell them they are the change... we tell them they can do anything... and yet we tell ourselves something different. Who said any of us ever had to grow up in the first place?
What good is getting older... if in the end we lose who we were when we were YOUNGER?
Last night I laid in bed and closed my eyes and decided to remember the YOUNGER me. The girl who chased crazy.... the girl who met the real Jesus in Africa... the girl who graduated high school with a dream in her heart... and who thankfully had a young boyfriend holding her hand saying "Lets live life together"... and he never left. He actually stayed. I remembered not only the losses and the lessons, but I remembered all the wins too.
I wanna take those memories and use them as fuel... fuel for the rest of the journey. I need the reminders that with every regret I'll also find mountains I conquered too. With every failure came another chance to try....
Sure I was immature when I was YOUNGER and made all sorts of mistakes.. sure I'm stronger today and not as uptight... the growing up hasn't been all that bad... BUT what about the pieces I left behind... the parts of me I shouldn't forget?
Again.. we adults... we are not dead yet. There is room to live YOUNGER... there is room to chase what's coming next... there is still time for another countdown... There are still moments we need to collect and time we need to freeze in picture frames....
Remember that time you skipped school? Take that same spirit of adventure and call in sick to work... escape with your husband and instead of scheduling sex for Friday night after the kids are in bed... take a drive down a back road and make out in the back of your car instead... just like you used to.
Remember when you used to get yelled at by your parents for a messy bedroom... yep... you know where this is going. Leave your house a mess... forget the laundry... leave the dirty dishes in the sink... and take your kiddos to a movie... buy the popcorn and the candy and the coke... let them eat all the sugar they want... take instagram stories and post your selfies... FREEZE time.
Save for the vacation you keep putting off.
Have the girls night out... stop feeling guilty for stepping away from the family for two hours...in fact take a girls weekend instead and actually take the break you deserve.
Stop being afraid to get out of the lounge chair because you hate how you look in a swimsuit... stop letting your thighs and stretch marks control you... take a trip down the slip-n-slide... get in the sand with your kids and build that damn sandcastle.
Most importantly.... DON'T stop dreaming. The past isn't the only space you lived your worst days and your best days.... your time is NOW. My time is NOW. Let's embrace the best and worst of it all... making every moment count...
Remember when we used to fall down as children and skin our knees? Well, we never stayed down long. We brushed ourselves off... jumped up... and kept running.
You and I... we have been tending to our skinned knees for far too long... it's time to get back up..
Let's get to living YOUNGER shall we?