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Open Heart Surgery (Entry #6)


It's been a while... since my last OHS post. 35 days to be exact. I realize I run. From all of it. I think I have the guts to face it... to take off the bandaids and expose my wounds to the world...because in some strange way I think it could make a difference for someone else...but I don't. I don't have the guts. At least I haven't had the guts for the last 35 days.

So where has my head been? My thoughts camp out in the "wishing for the redo"..Do you ever wish you could have one? Ever wish you could reset a space in time... and that you'd get the chance to change it somehow?

This is where I've been for years... in a space of wishing for the redo. Wishing for the chance to change a very large portion of my life.

People say all the time that I've changed... and I have. That's truth. But it's not for all the reasons they think.

I've learned that our choices are heavily weighed by experiences and moments in time we can't control. We are forced into submission... we make decisions...wether we want to or not... whether we are ready to ... or not... and we can't take them back. We live with them....and it's in that reckoning we are faced with repercussions and the aftermath of it all... whatever IT ALL is.

Ever since Adama died... most every decision I've made is put through a litmus test....