Crumpled Paper



You know the feeling...


That "UGGGHHHH" feeling...


That "I GIVE UP" feeling...


That "Nothing ever works out the way I plan" feeling...


That "What the Hellllll happened to my day, I got NOTHING done" feeling...


That "I should have learned my lesson the first time" feeling...


That "I promised myself it would be different this time" feeling...


Me too.


What about....


That "I don't wanna try because I'll probably fail" feeling....


That "motherhood is gonna kill me" feeling...


That "I really wish I could have a redo" feeling....


That "He deserves someone better than me" feeling...


That "Why can't I choose salad instead of chocolate?" feeling...


Me too.


You see... all of this... runs through my head like a freight train on a regular basis... I get big ideas or I have the best intentions... I start the day with a laundry list I'm bound and determined to accomplish.. I close chapters on my life... old habits, toxic relationships... in an effort to start again... to live better, to do better, to BE BETTER... a better person, a better spouse, a better friend, a better mother, a better business owner, a better neighbor, a better church goer, a better sister, a better daughter, a better me.... all the while realizing NONE of this has ANYTHING to do with "me".... It's about everyone else... how my failures, how my shortcomings, how my mistakes....affect everyone else... but what about what they do to....me?


Instead of feeling like just another crumpled piece of paper tossed into a bin... forced to try again... without the even slightest desire to try... I realize this... If ANYTHING is gonna be tossed into the trash... like a crumpled piece of paper... it's the OLD me... the me who actually carried this crap around in mind... like the feelings should even belong to me at all. If I am gonna throw anything out and start over... it's gonna be throwing out the expectations and embracing the mess... tossing out the regret and embracing the second chance...shredding the lies I tell myself and searching for truth... giving up the quest for perfection and embracing the ugliest parts of me... so that I can know myself better, love myself more, and give that same grace and love to everyone else...


Understanding that even when I am crumpled... and torn... tossed... and worn....


I am ENOUGH. I am a piece of artwork worth finishing, a chapter worth rewriting, a play worth coming back to after intermission.... I am the song worth singing, the fight worth having, and the dream worth chasing... I am the one worth saving.... Thank you Jesus for reminding me of that last part... every single day of my life.


I am...


(Now you finish the sentence)...

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