Good morning Lovelies :)
Recently I trained thousands of people on a topic that has become a staple in my life... as I work towards a healthier me. If you are a Rodan + Fields consultant... you can find the training on The Daily Experience.
Anyway, during the video I spoke for a few minutes about "settling".
Another touchy subject and one we all tend to approach with white gloves....
If we are asked the question,
"Do you feel you've settled in life?"
We are quick to respond with....
"Are you kidding? No way... I wouldn't change a thing. I love everything about my life"....
Or.... the extreme opposite.
"Absolutely. My list of hopes and dreams is longer than my grocery list...I've managed to spend the last 20 years stuck."
I tend to think 100% of us fall somewhere in the middle....leaning more towards "settling"... we just don't know it yet because we really have not faced it head on.
Now when I ask this question to a group of women... as I do in many of my retreats... I am met with several raised hands...women who have no trouble stating the obvious... and some confused faces... women who are mentally wrestling with the question and trying to verbalize an answer.... but realize they are not sure what to say.
I then ask the women who raised their hands in admission... THIS question.
"Why do you think you've settled in life?"
Almost every single time... the answer is..
Usually I never call out an answer as being "wrong".... except this one...
Yes fear can be a beast. It's attached to most of us and we wear it like a heavy coat in the middle of freakin summer...BUT... in this case... FEAR is NOT the culprit. Fear is not what is holding our hopes and dreams captive.
Who is the real bad guy?
We are TOO TIRED. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.
Who wants to chase a dream... we just wanna crawl into our beds and take a freakin nap.
Lovelies listen to me and think about this for a minute. We are chasing pavement every day. Working towards the next thing... it starts with ALL of this... although not in any particular order...
The high school diploma is the starting line, then a degree and a career. Next up we chase the next step on the ladder, we find the perfect husband and begin the mountain climb we call marriage... then you throw in a couple kids... or 6 if you're like me... We add community responsibilities like the PTA or Church every week... combined with grocery shopping and laundry that never ends....housework, homework, husband work...admit it.... your adorable husband does require lots of attention ;) To top it all off.... add caregiver and counselor to the list because likely... you've got family and friends who need your emotional stability on a daily basis... as they work through their own maze of struggle.
I'm exhausted just typing it. Yet we are ALL living smack dab in the middle of it...
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
The crazy part... I only scratched the surface.
THIS is why we settle. It's not possible to dream under these conditions. It's not possible to push yourself or to step outside the box... even if you wanted to. If you're scared of anything... it's letting the ball drop... you're not afraid of chasing the dream... you're afraid of what would happen if you stepped outside of your daily routine... your world may come crashing down. And guess what... you'd be too tired to clean it up.
So we settle.
Instead of our hopes and dreams being a checklist they become a bucket list, a list that's placed on a shelf in the back of our mind... collecting dust.
Now you are probably getting smacked in the head right now with a bit of truth. You're saying to yourself...
"OH my goodness... THIS IS ME."
But now what?
The answer is SELF-CARE.
You MUST find a way to step away from your daily circus... where you are the showman... and sit in the stands instead... Pull back the curtain and take a hard look at what is happening behind the scenes... where are the places in your day that you lose sense of time... that you lose sense of self?
Take a daily vacation. 30 minutes a day is all it takes to reconnect with yourself and rediscover the journey your heart hopes to take... and explore ways to give that heart the space she needs to do that....
You may even be saying to me...
"Erica.. I'm too tired to take a daily vacation... I don't have the mental capacity to face myself right now..."
Don't worry... I have been there and we WILL walk through this together.
Soon I will be posting a video on ways to provide yourself self-care and space to rediscover who you are...and eventually find balance... in relationships and in life.
I don't know about everyone else... but I'm ready for a personal revival... how about you?
Your homework is to remember.
Make a list of the hopes and dreams you carry. The ones you are too tired to achieve... Part of self care... is also learning vulnerability... so feel free share that list here... in the comments :)