I had a conversation recently with a few beautiful people about the sad truth.. that as women especially (since that’s my point of reference)… we feel the need to wait on a PERMISSION SLIP from those around us before we give ourselves the opportunity to do ANYTHING that changes our daily routine or course in life….and when we don’t get that permission slip… we begin to believe we don’t need anything that fills us up…we don’t deserve “different”… we put our inner heart murmuring on a shelf… and we pour out…and we pour out… and we pour out until we are…
EMPTY.
For example…
I wanna sleep in…
Nope can’t… I’ve got kids… and they MUST have cereal by 7am or they go bat crazy.
I wanna go to bed early…
Nope can’t… dinner is calling…and NO ONE else has a set of hands that can clean the kitchen or pop a pizza in the oven…
I’d love to take the day and just drive… windows down… music up…
Nope can’t… my house is a disaster… cue toilet cleaning… because we love that so much and it’s SO therapeutic.
I’d love to take a vacation with my kids…RIGHT NOW…
Nope can’t… no good mom pulls their kids out of school….that would be ridiculous…. don’t want the truancy police on my back.
I’d like to start pilates…
Nope can’t… too many hours in a day and I’ve got a full house of responsibility…. and my needs MUST COME LAST…. I mean who needs a healthy wife and mother? Instead of exercise... I'll just stop eating.
I’d like to leave my career and stay home with my kids…
Nope can’t… I’ve got to work… we can’t make ends meet otherwise… my husband needs me to contribute to the bills… and because I can’t stay home… I will constantly live in a space where I feel I am failing my kids… and I miss them… everyday I MISS THEM.
I’d like to go back to my career…
Nope can’t… I chose to have children… this means my heart for ________ must take a backseat….FOREVER.
I’d like to go on a date… EVERY week… with my husband…because I miss him.
Nope can’t… we might be accused of child neglect… I mean WHO dates their husband anymore…. kids MUST rule our lives until they are 18…at least.
I’d like to go to dinner with my friends… I want a girls night out…I NEED a girls night out…BAD!
Nope can’t… my husband doesn't have time for friends...and neither do I.
I’d love to open up and get vulnerable…. tell my friends my deepest struggles…
Nope can’t… their lives are perfect and they would never understand…. I just can’t face judgment…. So I will continue to pretend….even if it kills me.
I would REALLY love to volunteer for something that is BIGGER than me…. change the world somehow…
Nope can’t…. I can barely keep my head above water… I’m a mess… how could I ever help anyone else?
I think I may have a purpose bigger than me…and my current life…
Nope can’t…. NOTHING can take you away from husband, kids, church, work….. This is where you are called to give yourself away. Bottom Line.
I’d like to work my side hustle…and actually succeed at it…
Nope can’t…. my husband doesn’t get it… my friends don’t get it… so I’m just gonna pass and keep doing what I’m doing…. changing nothing.
I would love to step foot back into a church…find the Jesus I know is out there somewhere…
Nope can’t… they may shun me like the last church… I’m just too scared of being hurt again.
I would love to beat this depression… this fog I’m living in…
Nope can’t… I’ve been told it runs in the family and there is NOTHING I can do to change that.
I would love to…. start over… to forgive…
nope can’t…. building walls come so much easier…. and they may not love me back.
I would love to forgive myself….
Nope can’t… I don’t deserve it.
I would love to feel beautiful….
Nope can’t… I’ve been told I am ugly since the first grade… so it must be true.
I would love to love myself…
Nope can’t… my uncle stole anything worth loving when he coaxed me into the dark all those years ago….
I would love to find peace…
Nope can’t… the voices in my head… filling it with worry and chaos… won’t leave me alone.
I would love to___________________________
Nope… You can’t.
Really? Are we really that conditioned to accept our current state and not even take a moment to question if we need to make a change?
We feed ourselves what we believe are the expectations of others… and the demands we place on ourselves … many times … come from US… not anyone else… We have accepted these demands and these lies we tell ourselves as TRUTH… and we OWN them… we count ourselves out… before we ever even consider saying YES I CAN…. before we ever consider that maybe… just maybe… our husbands are rooting for us… our friends are waiting for someone else to say I CHOOSE ME TODAY… so they can also choose themselves… maybe just maybe our kids need to see us say it’s OKAY to forgive and to love and to find our place at the table with the Jesus we know exists…. maybe just maybe our kids need to see us choose serving others over making their school lunch… so they understand the world does NOT revolve around them…
If we give ourselves permission… to do what we’ve never done… we reset the stage… and we break the cycle.
Lovelies....Hear me...
The world doesn't give you the permission slip... YOU are principal... YOU give out the permission slips... BOTTOM LINE.
Today instead of saying… Nope I can’t… try saying YES I can. Try giving yourself a permission slip to make one small change... and listen as your heart claps for you... saying WELL DONE Lovely... WELL DONE.