I Didn't Go to Church Today.


I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

I've found it's too dark there.

I prefer the prayers of my closest friends... where two or three are gathered... the conversations and questions about the mystery of God... where his word is shared over late night wine pourings and soul stirrings...

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

Lately, I've found it to be a country club instead of a hospital, a judgement zone instead of a welcome home party.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

I don't think Jesus lives under the steeple... I don't think he ever did...we built those after all...I have found him in the broken places... at our borders where the immigrants are begging for mercy... in the eyes of lonely children searching for their families and food...in the shouts of protesters fighting injustice.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

I don't hear him in the worship band that requires a young teenage girl to have to "tryout" in order to be given a place on stage to sing.... I have found him in the the off-key shouts of praise coming from my children's bedrooms on a Sunday morning....by the way... he also meets me in my car... where the worship music blares on spotify... we talk about the hard things... the happy things... yep he is my steady passenger as I curse my way through rush hour traffic.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

I don't buy into the shaming... the "hate the sin and love the sinner" part... In fact... it's not our job and it's not in the bible. I'm weary of the rocks being thrown when everyone lives in their own glass house... everyone has their own secret closets. Gosh I wish we’d put the stones down. Enough is enough.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

I need to find a space where God isn't bound in books and doctrine... where his power isn't limited by man-made ideas and legalism.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

The people who said they were the hands of Jesus...there to mend me... broke me instead. I need time to heal.

I didn't go to church.

No, not today.

Someday? Maybe.

Yes... absolutely....

Someday.

But I’ve come to a place where I wanna follow Jesus and not man... Jesus and not a church....

Right now Jesus is in the streets...

Jesus is standing with the thousands of people taking a stand for the refugee running for safety...

The church is the mission team traveling across the world to provide medicine for the afflicted...

The church is the small group of concerned citizens making gift boxes for the military serving in war zones....

Jesus is in the prison housing hundreds of people who made mistakes that cost them their freedom.

Jesus is in the eyes of the hungry.

Jesus is the immigrant standing at your door with weathered feet from the journey...asking for a safe harbor.

The church is my home... a mission field where my children ask the hard questions and we find the answers about God TOGETHER.

Jesus is in us.... How have we forgotten this?

I wonder what the church would like like if we all became too busy for the pews... if our hands and our feet were bleeding... from the roads we traveled to meet Jesus where he is... in all the broken places... what if we emptied the church bank accounts and cleared the weekly calendar... and followed Jesus with pure abandon... to the trenches....

I wonder.

In the meantime... as I search and heal and love my people who show me Jesus everyday... and pray for those who persecute me....as I look for ways to be his hands and feet...

I didn't go to church.

Someday? Maybe.

But not today.

Today I will write to my senators and join a cause greater than me that will continue reuniting families that God created... today I will play worship music in the kitchen and sing at the top of my lungs with my girls while we cook breakfast. I'm sure our worship will be heard in heaven... you should hear Capri and Maddox sing ;) Today I will love Jesus and others... Today I will ask for forgiveness and give it freely... Today I will stand with the persecuted and love the misfits. Today I will open the word inspired by God and take it for what it is... line by line... and embrace the hope that lies inside it.

and yes...

I didn't go to church today.


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