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Control Issues

I realize I have them sometimes. I feel like the roads I've chosen have led me to the front lines... alot. I'm used to battle, fighting for things. I get used to being smack dab in the middle of the hard place. When the tug of war ends, and the road opens ahead of me, sometimes I don't know how to handle that. So I naturally look for the next hard thing to chase.


The thing is, some battles go better than others. There are some mountains we take, and the journey doesn't last long... there are other mountains, where it feels like you are fighting for an eternity.


I'm climbing a mountain. Right now as I type. I've stared at this mountain for over 10 years. Attempted to climb it and then quickly got off that mountain... realizing I wasn't ready to scale it. It's a mountain with so many twists and turns... I can't possibly see the path or what the outcome is gonna look like... will I REALLY get to the top? Will I eventually own it?


Fear takes center stage... between me and the mountain... and I run the opposite direction.


Thing is eventually I got brave.


I finally started climbing. Now I'm too far up the mountain to turn around now. And even though I've gained ground... so much freakin ground. Even though I've made significant progress...


I'm still scared.